When Crises Come

Last night as I wrote the post below with tears and despair, I visited Joanna's blog with news of her husband's very unexpected layoff. In her post she shared how in an attempt to deal with her world suddenly being turned upside down, she went back to something she did as a teenager - writing a letter to herself with the purpose of preaching to her own heart. Her letter went like this:

"What do I believe? God is my rock, He is sovereign His eye is on the sparrow His eye is also on me. He calls me to be content in ALL things, Paul sang in the prisons, I can and will worship God in this. I will praise God, and not turn away form my true strength. when I am scared I will hide under His wings. When it does not make sense, or feels like it is too much, I will turn to the true physician, to my counselor, He will whisper truths to me, He will lift my face. This testing will bring about patience and the patience will lead to character and then hope and I WILL NOT LET GO OF THAT. I will not let this pass and just hold my breath. Lord I want what You have for me in this, I want the lessons, what do You want me to see? Keep me here until I have learned it. Teach me Lord, I am weak, show me Your truth, I am open, I will stay vulnerable, please don't pass me by."

Then she filled a page of her journal with all of her fears, handing them over to God - things like:

If we lose the house I will still praise You

If the kids cannot go to this school I will still praise You

If we lose the van I will still praise You

And shared this quote:

"Crisis shows us what we have become." -Westcott

Her words truly spoke to my heart. Last night I was not turning my own fears and struggles over to God regarding this adoption. I wanted to nurse them and cry over them and sit in front of mindless television to stop thinking about how hopeless our Haitian adoption feels right now. And yet none of those things are helpful in anyway. None of them accomplish any good purpose. And certainly none of them are the response that God would wish from me.

So today I am thankful for Joanna's example. I want to choose to travel the path of faith instead of fear, of hope instead of hopelessness, of trust instead of turmoil. I want to be able to say like Job "blessed be the name of the Lord" even when our circumstances seem so unfair and the reality of our children coming home seems so far away. I want to be faithful. Please help me, Lord ...