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Saturday, December 12, 2009

A Good Question

Sheri asked me the other day:
I asked someone once if the waiting was harder or easier after exiting IBESR and she said "harder". Do you find it that way too?
I thought this was a good question and would be interesting to answer on the blog. My first instinct also might have been to say "harder" - because the boys' homecoming seems so close and every day without news is a such a disappointment - but I am not sure that is totally accurate in my case. I actually think the previous wait was harder because of its uncertainty.

We were in IBESR for thirteen long months and during that entire time we had no way of knowing for sure whether we would even receive permission from the Haitian government to adopt our sons. We might have loved them and visited them and waited for them all that time, only to be denied the opportunity to become their parents. Then after being "okayed" by IBESR to proceed, we still had to complete the adoption successfully. Until that happened, the wait was devastating for me.

The difference between the early wait and this later wait is a mental one, I think. The early wait, as I said was devastating, panic-provoking, wearying, overwhelming. This later wait is just quietly sad. I start the day very hopeful for news and end the day disappointed because there has been none. There are still moments where I feel like bursting into tears out of the blue (and sometimes do.) But overall, I have peace that the boys are legally ours in the eyes of the Haitian government, they have already received their approved Orphan First status, and they will come home ... eventually. I do worry about possible complications that may delay their homecoming but I don't doubt that they will ever come home. That in and of itself makes a world of difference, at least for me.

I should probably mention that we experienced a failed adoption a number of years ago. We only had the baby for one week but even so his loss was shattering to me. Perhaps partly because of this, the long months of uncertainty in this Haitian adoption process were so intensely emotionally draining for me. I didn't dwell on it much, but I think I was very fearful of losing Ian and Alec as well.

As usual this is a long answer to simple question! But there you have it, Sheri. Thanks for asking! :)

3 comments:

Amanda said...

I really understand. The 12 months in IBESR for us was also very uncertain because we didn't meet the 'requirements.' Which made me cRaZy. Now, I agree...it's just a sad kind of wait and longing.

I do wish that I had stepped out on faith and gone ahead and filed some things and gotten the ball rolling on our DNA and then we wouldn't be waiting like we are, but hindsight is 20/20, they say. **sigh**

Anonymous said...

I am just a random person who ran across your blog because of my interest in adopting from Haiti or even missions work there. I pray for you everyday and feel your pain. I adopted 2 from Russia but it was so much quicker. I would love to adopt from Haiti but I don't know if I could take the wait. Anyway the reason I am writing is because last night I had a dream you got to bring them home before Christmas. It was a crazy dream but I was so excited to meet you and that your boys were coming home. I only hope this dream comes true.

Nancy H.

Fireballbrady said...

We are adopting twin boys and a little girl from haiti and have been in ibesr for 20 (almost 21) months now.

It is wonderful to see pics of your boys. Congrats, they are beautiful (nearly as good looking as mine! ;-)

We will pray that your journey is close to the end.

fireballbrady