"Adoption is created through loss; without loss there would be no adoption. Loss, then, is at the hub of the wheel. All birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees share in having experienced at least one major, life-altering loss before becoming involved in adoption. In adoption, in order to gain anything, one must first lose--a family, a child, a dream. It is these losses and the way they are accepted and, hopefully, resolved which set the tone for the lifelong process of adoption."
-Deborah N. Silverstein and Sharon Kaplan
Since learning some more details about the twins' birth family my heart has been heavy as I consider how in many ways, their loss becomes our gain.
I have wondered why I feel this way. Perhaps one reason is that I perceive the twins' birth parents as having no other option. The birth parents of our other children chose to make an adoption plan out of love and a desire to provide something for their children that they were unable to at the time. We feel such respect and gratitude to them for this.
Yet living in the United States, had our children's birth parents chosen otherwise there would at least have been options and resources at their disposal (i.e., government programs, schools, etc.) There are no such resources in Haiti. Choosing adoption in Haiti (in cases where birth parents are living and relinquish voluntarily) is still making a "plan out of love and a desire to provide something for their children that they are unable to at the time," but the only other "option" is death and starvation.
It doesn't seem fair.
And so I find myself sorrowing for the loss that I know the twins' birth parents are facing as they place them into the nanny's care at the village this week. I feel great respect and gratitude to them as well, for making this loving choice on behalf of their babies. I look forward to the opportunity we hope to have of seeing them face to face on our visit to Haiti, as bittersweet as it will be.
Yes, we too suffered a loss in this whole process of adoption. The loss of a "dream," as Silverstein and Kaplan wrote, of what we imagined our family would be. But the family that God had planned for us is so much richer and more diverse than we could ever have dreamed, that we feel only blessed! Yet it is my hope that in some small way, we can offer our "loss" to the twins' birth parents for their "gain" as they have done for us, by promising to cherish and protect and raise these babies that (had we been able to conceive biologically) we might never have known existed.
I don't know how well I have explained the thoughts that are crowding my mind, but I would close with a song whose lyrics have encouraged me time and again through my life ... a reminder that even when I don't understand life's difficult questions, I can trust the One who ultimately has the answers:
I have wondered why I feel this way. Perhaps one reason is that I perceive the twins' birth parents as having no other option. The birth parents of our other children chose to make an adoption plan out of love and a desire to provide something for their children that they were unable to at the time. We feel such respect and gratitude to them for this.
Yet living in the United States, had our children's birth parents chosen otherwise there would at least have been options and resources at their disposal (i.e., government programs, schools, etc.) There are no such resources in Haiti. Choosing adoption in Haiti (in cases where birth parents are living and relinquish voluntarily) is still making a "plan out of love and a desire to provide something for their children that they are unable to at the time," but the only other "option" is death and starvation.
It doesn't seem fair.
And so I find myself sorrowing for the loss that I know the twins' birth parents are facing as they place them into the nanny's care at the village this week. I feel great respect and gratitude to them as well, for making this loving choice on behalf of their babies. I look forward to the opportunity we hope to have of seeing them face to face on our visit to Haiti, as bittersweet as it will be.
Yes, we too suffered a loss in this whole process of adoption. The loss of a "dream," as Silverstein and Kaplan wrote, of what we imagined our family would be. But the family that God had planned for us is so much richer and more diverse than we could ever have dreamed, that we feel only blessed! Yet it is my hope that in some small way, we can offer our "loss" to the twins' birth parents for their "gain" as they have done for us, by promising to cherish and protect and raise these babies that (had we been able to conceive biologically) we might never have known existed.
I don't know how well I have explained the thoughts that are crowding my mind, but I would close with a song whose lyrics have encouraged me time and again through my life ... a reminder that even when I don't understand life's difficult questions, I can trust the One who ultimately has the answers:
Trust His Heart
All things work for our good
though sometimes we can't see how they could
struggles that break our hearts in two
sometimes blinds us to the truth
Our Father knows what's best for us
His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim, and you just can't see Him
Remember you're never alone
God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart
He sees the master plan
And He holds our future in His hands
So don't live as those who have no hope
All our hope is found in Him
We see the present clearly
But He sees the first and the last
And like a tapestry
He's weaving you and me to someday be just like Him
God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart
No comments:
Post a Comment