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Monday, December 1, 2008

Struggles of the Heart

The holidays are especially emotional times for those of us waiting to bring our children home.

As I read through the adoption blogs, I find my own feelings echoed time and again by other adoptive parents. While it helps to know we are not alone, it doesn't ease the ache from months of stagnating in one government office or another ... it doesn't erase the claustrophobic feeling that our children are in "paperwork prison" ... it doesn't escape the bitter tears that flow late at night when the house is quiet and the hopelessness is overwhelming.

Forgive me if this does not sound pretty, or "spiritual" ... this is just me being frankly honest at the moment.

Yesterday I spoke with a friend who lost her husband in a bus accident 2 1/2 years ago and who is now raising two young boys on her own. She told me how she knows that God is not going to leave them or let them down but sometimes it feels as though she is on one side of the room and He is on the other, simply watching as she struggles. She wants Him to bridge the gap so she can feel Him beside her.

Our losses cannot be compared. What I am experiencing as I miss my boys is nothing compared to what she is going through. Yet I can empathize with her because I have felt the same way ... knowing that God has not left me alone in this time of waiting but sometimes feeling like He is simply watching me struggle through it when all it would take is one word from Him to free my boys' paperwork and bring them home.

I'm not sure how to end this particular entry except to label it "struggles of the heart." My heart is struggling, and I know I'm not alone this Christmas season. If you would, pray for my friend ... pray for all the waiting parents and children ... pray that I would surrender my "knowing" to truly "believing" what God will do for Ian and Alec and our family.


Julia said...

I will pray for them. Thanks for looking at my blog.

Heather said...


- Heather Marie

Kathy said...

Paperwork prison. Yep. That says it all. Your post echoes mine today.

kimrhodes said...

Always Praying... You know.. and I will specifically pray as time passes and when your friend and you get to look back on this time in your lives that you are amazed at the handprints of God all over your life.

Mary said...

Ditto! Thanks for praying for all of us... we are praying for you too.

Anonymous said...

We brought our kiddo home this spring after a long wait, I wish someone had told me this-"It will take a year post IBSER to bring your kid home" because that has been the case for EVERY single family we know
and if I had that information then I could have "relaxed" a little that last year of waiting.
Sorry if this is depressing!!
Take care and don't worry, your boys WILL come home!