Nervous

As much as I look forward to my upcoming trip to Haiti, there are also things that I am very nervous about. I don't worry so much about flying alone (although I imagine it may feel somewhat long and lonely) but I do worry about the airport in Haiti - specifically the interval between getting my bags and getting picked up. Last time we arrived before our ride did and I remember feeling very out of place and nervous - and that was with my husband.

I also am nervous about the heat. Those who know me understand that heat and I don't mix too well. The fans are constantly running in our house, and in the summertime I take morning and evening showers. Only ... in Haiti I won't have a shower. Yikes! Just sponge baths from water in buckets. An excellent cultural experience but not the most comfortable scenario. :)

I'm nervous about handling both boys on my own - especially having to do so with dozens of eyes upon me, since I'll be living at the orphanage. Please pray that they will be comfortable with me and that our time will be calm, not chaotic!

I want to be able to interact with the other children and teenagers and adults, but I am nervous about not being able to connect across the language barrier. (At the same time, this will actually an excellent experience for me - I will be able to relate to my husband and kids at home so much better after this!)

And speaking of my husband and kids at home, I am nervous about being away from them for 9 nights. I won't be taking my laptop because with a baby on each hip, I doubt I'll have much use for it and I don't think there is a reliable internet connection where I'll be staying. I will miss being able to talk to them and see them through Skype like we did last time.

But most of all, I am nervous about saying goodbye again, especially with no guarantees about the remaining timeframe of this process and knowing that there are no more funds for another visit if the wait continues to grow long. Jamie recently returned from visiting her kids and wrote this:

Leaving was awful this time. Awful. It doesn’t get any easier to leave those kids behind. It will never be easy. The hard thing of the whole journey for us is that this visiting and leaving is starting to feel as though this is our “norm”. Almost like this is our life now. Two kids and a life at home and two kids in Haiti that we long for, pray for and yearn to get home and we get to visit them 4 times a year. Why does this feel “normal”. When will this end? When will my normal be …. wife & mom to four kids that all live in the same house?

Please pray for good news on this trip. Pray for a miracle, that somehow God would move mountains to bring the boys home by June 24. Pray that my nervousness would turn to excitement - and truly, I am excited about many things. In fact, that will probably be my next post! Thank you all for standing by us throughout this challenging process.