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Thursday, April 30, 2009

"Daddy Is Good"

This is the title of a post written by a waiting dad who along with his wife and four biological children have been waiting to bring home their twin sons from Haiti since early 2007.

In it, he shares a beautiful word picture (drawn from a real-life experience) that is challenging him during their wait.

I encourage you to go read it here:
http://celebratingchaos.blogspot.com/2009/04/daddy-is-good.html
When I narrated the post to my husband, tears pricked my eyes and I had to take a deep breath to keep going without losing it. The phrase that leaped out to me during my first time reading the entry was this one: "However, I don't think it is the act of waiting that is so difficult; my heart burns because of the questions about God that arise while we wait."

This is so true for me. I believe God can bring my children home to me; I believe He truly is able to do a miracle and bring them home by June 24. What I don't know is if He will.

The waiting is hard for me, but harder still sometimes is the wondering why God doesn't act on our behalf at this moment in time (although obviously we have seen him do amazing things previously in this adoption) and why He would allow so many children to languish in Haitian paperwork limbo when they have loving, Christian homes waiting and longing for them across the ocean.

On my recent trip to Haiti, I saw children who almost never received affection and at least one in particular who had no idea how to respond to it when I did pick her up and try to show her individual kindness. Her dark, serious eyes broke my heart and not once did I see her smile - at me, or at anyone.

I held one little boy who the moment I picked him up, literally melted into me and just laid on me without moving for as long as I could stay. Who knows when he had last been held.

I interacted with toddlers who became my shadows after one time that I picked them up and held them in my arms, because they were so unused to anyone showing them that kind of affection.

And while I trust my God and understand that all of life's suffering was brought about by man's own wrongdoing; while I know that I must allow my own children many times to experience the "natural consequences" of their choices (and so must we all as human beings) ... I still wonder why.

I suppose that is what makes this adoption so much more than just a journey. It is truly a journey of faith ... Lord, increase my faith!
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)

2 comments:

Lena Wright said...

I am right there with you, Stephanie. I dubbed my blog our Adoption Adventure, because that is truly what it has become. I've seen God in so many ways, so many times, and so many places. And I have seen so much that doesn't make sense to me (what you call Haitian paperwork limbo) and other delays that just make me say why? also.

Thanks for sharing a bit about your journey in faith. I pray that God grows your faith and mine and that we both can use it for something good for His kingdom. Great faith comes only through great trials, right?

Rebekah said...

Thank you for sharing this. I've been having all these feelings too, even though we aren't, nor have ever been, in the waiting process. I have such a hard time accepting this, but if I believe God truly is who He says He is (and I do!), then I have to believe that He knows what's going on, far better than my miniscule brain can comprehend.