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Sunday, January 31, 2010

A is for Attachment

Bonding and attachment are often used interchangeably in adoption to describe the process of children feeling secure within their new family unit. However, adoption experts prefer to differentiate between the two terms. In an excellent article by Angela Krueger she quotes the following (bold highlights are mine):

7 comments:

Terri Fisher said...

I've been praying about this...you have written a very informative piece. Stay strong!

Anonymous said...

I have experienced this with my daughter, Anna. Please get the book Beyond Consequences by Heather Forbes. It has changed our lives forever. It explains why they do things they do and how you should respond to build a bond. It was a VERY LONG year before I found this book! God has used this in my life to help other families. I now teach parenting groups for children with these type of problems. Now Anna prefers me but it took a long time.
You can e-mail me if you have any questions. I have followed your blog for a long time.
nancy49456@yahoo.com

Nancy

Corey and Nicki Shields said...

I understand exactly what you are saying. We were also told that we should expect that our son would find strong "bonds" with those who are racially more like him. Thankfully, there has never been doubt about Tomo's attachment with my husband and I, but as we grows older I do see the tendency to gravitate towards relationships with other Japanese. It helps knowing ahead of time, and I take no offense to this.

Praying for you. God has a plan for these boys! Isn't it amazing that HE chose you to raise them towards that plan! Keep up the good work, and hang in there.

Nicki
PS
We are renewing some of our paperwork with some light at the end of the tunnel, that our two year wait for a daughter will end this year. If you think of us, pray for a girl whom we have come to call Maya Grace.

HMK said...

Yes, Yes, Yes!!!! Take that village raising a child x 6 years and that was where we were at w/ Bereket... it was difficult to say the least to see her run after a complete stranger (someone she met in a brief little interlude) in the Detroit airport because she would rather be with them in that moment than with us, who had taken care of her for the past 2 weeks in Ethiopia. Hang in there! It'll get easier! With B, we had to avoid social settings for about 2 months and then introduce her slowly.

Deborah said...

Time well spent, indeed.

I love you. <3

Denise said...

what a great post on attachment. Our daughter had some over friendly behavior actually 18 months after being home and we were surprised by it. we worked through it, but I think that we will always be on the lookout for warning signs...I think that she may always have a tendency to mistrust us because of so many moves in her first 2 years of life. Your boys are adorable.

Ellie said...

Great post. I found in the beginning I was pretty good about not letting anyone hold our children, but as the newness wore off and I was in the exhausted stage I made some mistakes. I can't imagine how exhausted you have the potenetial to get with two little ones. Hopefully you can get some help with the other duties so that you can stay refreshed to handle the attachment process - and enjoy your two bundles of joy.

Hugs & prayers :)