Wandering Thoughts

Last night, I couldn't fall asleep. I kept imagining what it will be like to see my boys again, this time for the first time knowing that I'm not saying hello just to say goodbye again in a few days. I kept wondering what it will be like to hold them and know that I am holding them for good!

There have been so many thoughts running through my mind these past 48 hours. I've considered what and how much to write on this blog, knowing that forward movement for one family is often a heartwrenching reminder to other waiting families of how unfair and unpredictable this whole process is.

But having shared all the journey thus far, it seems only natural to keep journaling as we go. I know I've been disappointed sometimes to follow a family's adoption story only to have it end abruptly just when it gets really exciting! On the other hand, I have been encouraged by those who share the details of those final days apart and those first days together because it helps me to know what we might expect as well.

I commented to my husband on Friday that there is nothing more soul-shattering than being separated from your child. It gave me pause to think of how God willingly chose 33 years of separation from His beloved Son ... for us. I know the Bible says that "a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day" but somehow I don't think that in this case those 33 years slid by like 33 days for the Heavenly Father. He must have felt every agonizing one of them. What an unbelievable sacrifice! My husband loves the modern hymn "How Deep the Father's Love for Us." My heart is stirred by these words as I consider them tonight:

How deep the Father's love for us, how vast beyond all measure
That he should give his only son, to make a wretch his treasure
How great the pain of searing loss, the Father turned his face away
As wounds which mar the chosen one, bring many sons to glory